Wednesday, January 6, 2016

#HORROR (2015)

#HORROR (2015) 

Director: Tara Subkoff
Writer: Tara Subkoff

Starring: Timothy Hutton, Chloë Sevigney, Emma Adler

After subjecting myself to Some Kind of Hate, I didn’t think it was possible to sink any lower in terms of shitty viewing material. However, someone in an online group insisted that #Horror is far shittier despite them never having seen Some Kind of Hate. Well, me being the dumbass with expendable time that I am, I secured a cheap rental from Amazon and sat down to watch it for myself. So, is #Horror be worse than Some Kind of Hate?
     Cat (Haley Murphy) is invited to the house of Sofia (Bridget McGarry) for a little party. Along for the ride are Georgie (Emma Adler), Sam (Sadie Seelert), and a few other expendable rich girls. We learn that the house is situated in such a position that the four winds converge on it and create a vortex which drives people insane—which is exactly what happened to the previous resident, artist Ray Jameson, who created disturbing artwork and murdered a bunch of people at a party he threw. After Sofia’s mom Alex (Chloë Sevigny) steps out for her AA meeting (complete with alcoholic beverage in hand!) things get a little out of hand which results in Sofia kicking Cat out of the house. When she fails to return home, Michael (Timothy Hutton), Cat’s father, comes looking for her. Soon, someone begins terrorizing the girls and killing them off one by one. Could it be Michael, who’s mental instability makes him the perfect candidate? Or could it be someone else with a grudge against the girls? Or, could it be that the supernatural forces that drove Jameson nuts are manifesting themselves?
      Okay, I’ll just say it: this film is a piece of shit, but Some Kind of Hate is still a worse flick. Why? Simple: that flick doesn’t have the benefit of Timothy Hutton going off his rocker. That alone made this flick bearable.
     I have to give #Horror credit for one thing: unlike the other anti-bullying horror flicks I’ve sat through from this year, this one actually puts some focus on the person being bullied, Cat. We get to learn a bit about her, learn what her life has been like and we get to see her actually getting bullied. Unfortunately, Cat is little more than a snooty rich bitch who’s just as mean to the other girls as they are to her, so sympathizing with her is impossible. In fact, all the girls are snooty little rich bitches. I can’t imagine your average viewer even giving half a shit about these little cunts. Yes, they’re cunts pure and simple. And they’re annoying as all hell. Basically, most of their dialogue consists of being mean to each other and whining
"Look! We're padding out the running time!"
when someone is mean to them. I found myself saying, “Fucking die already!” to this group on several occasions.
     Acting-wise, it’s average. Nothing great, nothing horrible. Hutton and Sevigny are obviously the major players here and they both turn in fine performances, especially Hutton who, like I said, is the best thing about this flick. Seriously, watching Hutton loose his shit and threaten the girls made this flick worth the buck-fifty I paid for it.
     Where #Horror truly fails is in the writing. I honestly cannot think of a more ineptly-written script. The supernatural angle is brought up, yet absolutely nothing is done with it, and it is brought up so off-handedly that it feels completely tacked on just so Sam can have visions at one point. And, ya know, because they needed another red herring. And speaking of red herrings, the film is so poorly written that it screws up its own! Example: we have a scene with Michael running around outside the house on his phone leaving frantic messages on Cat’s voicemail. The next scene shows two girls inside the house where they find Michael’s phone. On the phone they find videos of the girls being chased and killed. The next scene shows the killer watching the girls through the window with his/her phone. Well, they done fucked that red herring up! Plus, when the killer is revealed this scene will prove to be important: Michael and the killer haven’t met up to this point (in fact, they never do), so how can he/she get a hold of Michael’s phone (which is what is implied) when he has it on him the whole time? Chalk another one up for You Done Fucked Up.
     And if fucking up red herrings isn’t enough, we also get a sequence where Bollywood jumps in to pad out the running time! Yes, the girls engage in a little dance number. Why? Because the writer wants to prolong your misery and boredom.
     And speaking of padding out the runtime, there are many animated sequences which pop up during this flick that only serve as padding. If they lasted only a split second, okay, fine. I’d tolerate it. However, most of them go on for far too long. Shit, a few of them made me think the movie was having a seizure! Not only that, but the serious tone they were going for is completely undercut by these sequences. How can I take this shit seriously when this sort of nonsense is going on? Plus, they just slow an already-boring flick down even more. Hell, there’s practically no action until we’re almost halfway through the flick, the first half being composed of the girls just being mean to each other or playing dress-up or talking about boring crap. But once shit starts happening…the audience has already fallen asleep or changed the channel. Last I checked, movies are supposed to be watched and enjoyed, not ignored or turned off.
     At the end of the day, #Horror is #LAME. I’m sure my sister could create a more competent and entertaining piece of horror cinema using only her i-Phone, her friends, and a script written in make-up on the bathroom mirror. Unless you’re with a man or a woman who promises you an extravagant time in the bedroom afterwards, do whatever you can to avoid this turd.
     I mean, unless Some Kind of Hate is your only other option.
She's sad because her mommy made her watch #Horror.

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