Wednesday, December 30, 2015



Director: Adam Egypt Mortimer
Writers: Brian DeLeeuw & Adam Egypt Mortimer

Starring Grace Phipps, Spenser Breslin, Andrew Bryniarski

Well, this is what I get for listening to people. “Come now, Evan: you know you wanna watch Some Kind of Hate.” Okay sir, you recommended it and I trust your taste. Well looky here: the film just happens to be on Netflix and I just happen to have nothing to do this Saturday night (like pretty much every Saturday night; otherwise, I’d be too busy getting laid to write these damn things). So yeah, I listened to people and threw away almost 90 minutes on this fucking movie. The absolute last time I’m ever fucking doing that.
     Lincoln (Ronen Rubenstein) is your typical clich├ęd outcast: he always wears dark clothing, looks angry and unhappy, smokes, draws macabre pictures, has an alcoholic father and listens to heavy metal. He also happens to be bullied at school by your typical preppy douchebag. Upon fighting back and stabbing said douchebag in the face with a fork Lincoln is shipped off to Mind’s Eye Academy, some kind of reform school for troubled youths that’s run by a hippie who wants them to get in touch with the ground and the sky and the trees and the leaves and what have you. As what Lincoln did spreads amongst the other teenagers there, Willie (Maestro Harrell) decides that he wants to push Lincoln to his breaking point. After several attempts, Lincoln finally snaps, decks Willie in the nose, then runs off and hides in some kind of bunker where he wishes Willie and his cronies were dead. The spirit of Moira (Sierra McCormick), a girl who committed suicide there, grants him his wish and begins killing off Willie and Co. As bodies begin piling up Lincoln realizes this isn’t what he wants. Will he be able to stop Moira before it’s too late?
     Now, I love these bullied-kid-gets-revenge-on-the-bullies movies—Evilspeak being my favorite—but this one is as bland as it gets. In order for these types of movies to be engaging and satisfying, we have to actually give a shit about the characters. They don’t have to be extremely complex or anything, just have enough depth for us to go, “Yeah, I know how it feels.” It also helps if the bullies are complete assholes that get our ire up. Unfortunately, all the characters in Some Kind of Hate are as dull as dishwater and as flat as stale soda. We know little about them and learn little about them aside from bits that move the plot along. Halfway through I’m going, “Why should I give a shit about any of these idiots?” And it doesn’t help that the unenthusiastic acting sucks out what little life these characters might have had. Rubenstein is the worst offender here. Hell, the guy can
barely muster the enthusiasm to fuck Kaitlin (Grace Philips), a pretty girl who was also shipped off to Mind’s Eye, let alone make any line deliveries sound convincing. Seriously, at one point Katlin tells him a sad story to which Lincoln replies, “That’s horrible” in such a way that makes it seem like he’s reading from cue cards. I said to the screen: “That’s unconvincing.” And when he cowers before the bullies, his acting is at its most laughable. None of the other actors/actresses are any better, but at least we don’t spend quite as much time with them.
     And if characters aren’t dull as shit, they’re as annoying as an itchy hemorrhoid. Case in point: Moira. Jesus Christ, most of her lines are just her whining about being bullied and being hurt and blah blah fuckin’ blah. Okay, we get it: people hurt her. Here’s the problem though: seeing as we know nothing about her, how are we supposed to connect with her and actually give a shit about what she went through? She could be a complete twat for all we know (something which the movie and characters seem to suggest), someone we’d want to bite the dust. She is so annoying that I actually yelled “Shut the fuck up!” several times at the screen. Of course she just keeps going on until I’m about ready to heave my computer right through the window.
     And speaking of flying through a window, not only do we have to put up with lame and annoying characters and lifeless acting, but the film drags. I mean dddddddddddrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggsssssssssss……… I checked the remaining time I can’t remember how many times during the course of viewing this turd. It takes half the movie for the ball to get rolling. This is supposed to be a slasher flick; fucking give us something up front, not halfway through the goddamn movie after my patience has already worn out!
     And the filmmakers have obviously never watched a slasher flick, or weren’t paying attention. Why? The kills are dog shit. Nothing innovative or interesting; nothing that’ll make us go “Woah, cool!” Basically, characters just get cut up with a small razor blade. And shit, we don’t even get to see the first kill, only the aftermath. Shame on you movie. Shame. On. You. And the cuts are, mostly, CGI. So fuck you, too!
     The filmmakers also see fit to remind us every chance they get that bullies get what they deserve. Every. Single. Fuckin’. Chance. It. Gets. “Bullies get what they deserve. Bullies get what they deserve. FUCKING BULLIES GET WHAT THEY DESERVE!” “Okay okay okay, we fuckin’ get it. Now shut the fuck up and get on with the movie!” The characters act like what Lincoln did was the greatest thing any human being has ever done—and all he did was stab one in the face with a fork. It barely stuns the guy. I mean, shit, I can only imagine how they’d be acting in Lincoln put the guy in a coma. Motherfuckers would probably be having Earth-shattering orgasms at the mere mention of his name.
     Is there anything good to say about this movie? Well, aside from the fact that it eventually ends, the desert locale lends the film a desolate atmosphere. Living in the desert myself, I know this feeling all too well. However, that is not enough to endure 90 minutes of boredom. Oh, and it’s nice to see a Misfits song title used for the film’s title.
     At the end of the day, Some Kind of Hate drops the worst flick of 2015 right onto our lap (and that’s coming from someone who watched the Poltergeist remake). Dull characters, unenthusiastic acting, shitty pacing, lamer-than-lame kills and an annoying slasher whom we can’t help but wish would just die all come together into an amalgamation of total ennui. Skip it if it’s the last thing you do.

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