Monday, November 30, 2015

99 WOMEN (1969)

     When going into a Jess Franco film, you know you’re most likely to get either a boring piece of shit, or a film that’s mildly entertaining yet forgettable. On a rare occasion, however, Jess Franco produces a flick that’s actually decent and worth adding to one’s collection. One example is 1969’s women in prison movie, 99 Women.
     Three women—Marie (Maria Rhom), Helga (Eliza Montes) and Natalie (Luciana Paluzzi)—are sent to an island prison run by Governor Santos (Herbert Lom) and his sadistic lesbian director Thelma (Mercedes McCambridge) who subject the women to brutal forms of discipline. When the new director Leonie Carrol (Maria Schell) arrives at the prison and decides that the current methods of discipline are too harsh, Marie sees a chance to have her case reevaluated and perhaps gain her freedom. When that fails, Marie sees that her only attempt at freedom will be by escaping. Will she and the two other women in tow be able to elude not only Santos and the guards but the horny male prisoners (also on the island) who haven’t seen/been with a woman for some time?
     Okay, let’s just admit: the plot is only an excuse to show a bunch of naked women engaged in lesbian acts as well as hardcore inserts shot by Bruno Mattei.
I’m not complaining of course because the lesbian scenes are nice and erotic and the hardcore scenes are nice as well. Plus, who can really bitch about a flimsy plot when tons of Euro-babe skin and untamed beaver is on display?
     I sure wasn’t when my pants decided to rise for a better view of the action.
     Some of the hardcore inserts are kind of goofy and have no context. Many just pop up outta nowhere. One in particular came as a surprise: the girl is just chillin’ there, mindin’ her own business, when—bam!—a dude jumps into the shot and fucks her. Almost comical.
     And speaking of comical, there’s one insert in which a dude and chick are 69-ing; the dude’s mouth is nowhere near the chick’s pussy—yet he is moving his tongue around as though he’s performing oral! Gave me a good belly laugh.
     And some of the scenes involving the male prisoners are rather inept because they’re all wearing watches. Last I checked, this sort of stuff was confiscated at the prison. But who really gives a fuck? We’re just here for the sex and nudity!
     What else is there to say about the film? Well…uh…the acting seems decent, though it’s hard to be certain seeing as the movie is in French. And despite how flimsy the story is I found myself entertained by it and actually liking and caring about some of the characters.
     99 Women joins the ranks of the one other Franco movie I’ve enjoyed: Sadomania. And it is definitely one I’ll be adding to my collection—and soon. After all, one can never have enough material that turns your dick into a tree.

"We keep all the good stuff downstairs."

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